Kamikraze

This is a satire written on obesity for my World Literature class back in 10th grade. All of the information here is not meant to be offensive to anyone or anything. The outlandish solutions and such are supposed to be the main components of a satire.

In today’s society, America is known for having one of the highest obesity rates in the world. It sickens me that most of these people that are fat are not doing anything about their health. In addition, the growth of many fast food restaurants, such as McDonalds and Burger King, is at a constant pace with the hustle and bustle of the modern world. With advancements in the world increasing rapidly, so should the “nourishment” for people making them. How much of this food is good for us anyways? Most of it is made from processed products and deep fried.

Also, as many things have been easier to accomplish with modern technology, many people have become lazier. They take their health and this technology as something for granted when they sit in front of the computer or T.V. for hours at a time and reach for some microwavable meals in the fridge. Apparently, going outside and taking a walk isn’t much of an option either.
Anyone can easily find entertainment on their phone while driving a car.

With these many problems contributing to obesity I propose a few good solutions. First, anyone with body fat over 250 pounds should be hunted down and given two options: either be given all the food they want until they die, or force them to exercise 12 hours a day the old fashioned way until they either die of exhaustion or manage to lose all the weight.

If they pick the first option, all food high in calorie, fat, and unsaturated sugar content shall be shipped from major fast food restaurants to them. Once they die of overeating, their fat shall be used for a medicine to add more weight for kids starving in Africa and other third world countries and flavored so that the kids are willing to take it. The fatty oil generated from the excess leftovers could be used as an environmentally friendly alternative to gas, thereby lowering gas prices, and used as oil for cooking oil and used in some foods.

These benefits will also come from anyone that died of exhaustion from the second option. As a result of this many people dying, mortuary, medical, and food services have their businesses increase greatly. Yes, they may have more work to do, but the people of these businesses will have enough money for their own families to afford many luxuries, including food. If, the families too, become obese, they shall go through the same cycle. This will keep the benefits and the economy going.

Not only is food a problem, the lack of physical activity is a major problem. Not enough people are going outside for fresh air, so I propose a solution to this problem also. At different times of the day in different parts of America, an hour shall be dedicated to turning off all the electricity so that families can spend time outside. It relates to the idea of “Earth hour” because it also helps the environment. Not only will people get exercise by going outside, but it will decrease electricity bills, use less power, and potentially decrease air pollution as well as global warming.

Another solution to this problem is to place all junk food items in hard to reach places in grocery stores. In addition one can also place a series of obstacle courses containing walls to climb and monkey bars to obtain these said food items. This will not only make people reconsider their eating habits, but for those that really want them it will serve as a reward. Many people would actually begin to reconsider their unhealthy ways. Daily errands alone cannot serve as sufficient exercise, so simply shopping for groceries in this method can be considered a workout.

In the end, these outrageous solutions can be benefiting to not only obese people, but to people of regular and underweight as well. These obese people will be contributing their body fat to generous causes, and regular people will benefit economically from these methods. Of course, the obese people could have less strange solutions.

Some of these solutions are to increase food prices by a few dollars for those who are obese, and discounts on laser surgery. Gyms could probably give discounts to those who need to lose weight. However, desperate times call for desperate measures. America’s obesity rate is growing at a steady pace. If no one does anything, America will grow too fat and sink the rest of the world!

It does not take just one person to implement these solutions into his or her daily life.
Whether it will be cutting fat off or simply cutting back food intake, anything can make a difference.
Not only will we be benefiting ourselves, but we will also be setting an motivational example for the future of our country and the rest of the world.